February....I am not having so good memories with this month. People usually find and get their loved one in this month and I have lost probably most loved person (my Dad) of my life in this month.
Probably that has generated and stored little bit bitter memory of this month in my mind. It's not wiped out even after 8 years and probably I will keep this with me for life time. Life changing time span of my life. In one week I was transformed into mature, responsible and independent person from the silly, irresponsible and dependent teenager. It was by force not by choice....such life changing incident can make or break a person.
I was in my teenage just entered into college .....it was probably most sought after engineering college in state with reasonably high fees.... Even when dad was there it was risk that I took admission in such college which was going to hit hard to pocket of my dad....which was not even that deep. Losing him at that crucial time was really hard blow for a teenager ..... strong enough to knock him down.
I am not complaining and I never actually did. I have inherited so many things from him... that too without knowing... just by living alongside with him. However, I will not say ..... I haven't missed him any time in my life.
Teen age for boy .... is most important phase in life. It's a phase when a super hero dad starts to turning into friend. It's a time when instead of scolding and stopping from doing something new....he starts saying .... go and explore that new world and whenever you need... remember that I am here to support.
But instead ... I have got little bit more than that..... message for me was....Do whatever you want to do.....
Neither you will get anything ....nor you will lose anything (you don't even have anything to)......
Neither you will get scolded for messing up with hair .....Nor you will get pat on the back for passing out with flying colors on graduation night......
Neither you will have to answer questions on arriving late night....Nor anyone will raise concern on working at office all night.....
I have my own very long list for this..... don't want to pen it down here.
I was teenager when he left me and I don't really remember any serious talk or advice he ever gave to me. Only thing he told me once that....
It's not the money ....you are earning will make you happy....it's ...how bad you have striven for those money when you were not earning it ...will make you happy....
Very simple.....yet so meaningful... value of money is relative....and not absolute... value of those few hundred bucks....which are spent on friends for one party is nothing for that friend.....and at the same time so much to a person who is not able buy full meal for his family.
Silly youngster we are .... never understand value of something until we lost it.... at least I wasn't knowing.
I can recall each and every small incidents ..... where he shown immense care for me.... and I can also recall that ....each time I have took it for granted.... it's but obvious we don't say thanks to dad for such things..... but then I am afraid that .... I can never be like that .....
Be it following me secretly during my first bicycle ride to school.....or running towards hospital by holding me in hand when I have cut my finger accidentally.... Be it playing birthday song in early morning....or gifting me a computer game on each birthday....Be it cleaning and check my vehicle every morning ....or rushing back from office to home on just one single call......
There are so many memories ...... all are good......except the last one.... waiting outside hospital...with uncertainty in air..... staying home with family members for 8 hours listening talks about moving him to some other hospital while knowing that it's not going to be happen. That was not so good memory....that was a bitter one....
